I was somewhere else last weekend
As I sit here, after firing up a “Henry Clay” and pouring a “five o’clock somewhere to the right looking northâ€?, wearing a fucking Brown Recluse Spider around my neck, I’m grateful I’m not doing the flight I did one week ago today.
The problem with the whole covenant was that I wasn’t there.
Not only am I invisible…I’m fucking bulletproof.
5:12 pm. Thursday, September 29, 2005
Voice mail: Bitch, where are you?
And so it began:
Elisson and SWMBO
Eric and, the always lovely, Fiona
Upon my arrival in country, I began to drink heavily with Velociman and his lovely bride. Shortly thereafter, the Zonk and Chou arrived; and we all decided, in the best interest of the group, we should fire up the punch.
That was our first major mistake. We should’ve left that shit where it was…in the bucket. Trust me.
The second major mistake was firing up the “Sideways Dogstyle Bend Over I’m Driving Christmas Tree Ornament That Glows In The Dark.â€? SDBOIDCTOTGITD.
Then, we talked to Redneck, I think.
After an early 1:00 am late breakfast, and after Zonker and I saved Velociman from certain drowning (down by the river), it was fucking 3:30 am in the morning. Seeing Velocidown do the alligator in the mud was more than worth it. More than worth it. He just couldn’t seem to negotiate the swing. I went to bed alone, and woke up with Chou…problem was…she was in a different bed. Anyway, she is my “Shirt Off My Back Girlâ€? SOMBG.
A strange woman asking me what time it is, in the morning, is kinda cool. I don’t remember if I told her “flash thirtyâ€? (you know how all hotel clocks flash), or looked at my watch. At least I was wearing mine. I really don’t remember.
FRIDAY and SATURDAY:
Everyone started to trickle in…and I’m having a hard time syncing all this up. Y’all help me out.
I do know that hanging with DAX is cool, even if I had to poke that snoring bastard a couple of times. I do know that hanging with The Bitches is cool. I do know that finally meeting Ain’t Done It, is cool. Great Scotch. Thank You!!! I do know Denny can play the shit out of a guitar, and is nothing but GOOD to be around. I do know that meeting Elisson and SWMBO is cool. I do know that hanging with the triple E (EEE) (Eric Evil Eye) is cool. I do know The Moog is cool. I do know a conversation at 3:00 am with Leslie is cool. Seeing Acidman is cool. I know Georgia has “the snapâ€?, and that is cool.
Velociman did not take the No Packing Of The Fudge rule seriously. NPOTF, so I had to break for cover…FAST. BRCF.
You Fuckers are Crazy…when is the next one?