September 29, 2006

Timber

Posted by Yabu at 01:41 PM

I feel like I’ve had the shit beat out of me.

Last night, we had a hell of a storm. My woman said to me, “you’re not going to believe this, but it is snowing.â€? I turned on the eve lights and, sure enough, it was snowing. About 30 seconds later, it started hailing, and I mean really hailing, and blowing about fifty. I know fifty, because I spent many years racing sailboats. It was blowing the squirrels out of the trees.

I have a 5-year-old oak tree, conceived by an acorn, right next to my house. 25 feet tall, with a 4-inch trunk .I left it there to monitor its growth.

That tree was bent double from the wind, which means my power lines were about to be ripped from the side of my house. It was whipping around like a teen-aged boy.

I grabbed a saw, and headed out to cut that fucker down. Once outside, the hail is slamming me like get out of town…I needed body armor, because I’m under attack by God. Relentless. I’m sawing as fast as I can…the hail is slamming me as fast as it can…I’m barefooted and cold, but that fucker came down…all I had to do was saw it three quarters of the way, climb up several feet, and yank with all my might. That fucker came down all right…right on top of me. My ass was lying in a flowerbed with a fucking adolescent Oak tree that had me pinned.

It would’ve been quicker to use my 12 gauge, but my central heat and air unit would now be history.

Anyway, I love to shoot down trees.

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8 Comments

  1. Lisa W.
    Posted September 29, 2006 at 5:14 pm | Permalink

    Dang Yabu – I hope you’re okay. That sweet little wife of yours will have to take special care of you tonight…;)

  2. Bob
    Posted September 29, 2006 at 6:52 pm | Permalink

    Those oak trees conceived by acorns are the worst.

  3. velociman
    Posted September 29, 2006 at 9:54 pm | Permalink

    I recommend 8 shots of tequila, a Pendleton blanket, and a drunken call to State Farm on Monday. Damned if I let hail pelt my beautiful feet. I just did the nails.

  4. Eric
    Posted September 30, 2006 at 8:21 am | Permalink

    … Bob’s right…

  5. Rube
    Posted October 1, 2006 at 9:04 am | Permalink

    “I love to shoot down trees.”
    Dang, Yabu, you just made Al Gore cry.

  6. Libby
    Posted October 1, 2006 at 3:20 pm | Permalink

    Huh? That storm didn’t do spit here. Glad you survived.

  7. RedNeck
    Posted October 1, 2006 at 4:56 pm | Permalink

    CrapI got a tree split in half. The trash can was layin’ in the flower bed. The basketball set was tipped over in the driveway… Never mind the cinder blocks anchorin’ it. Why’d you fart in my direction Yabu?…

  8. Richmond
    Posted October 2, 2006 at 6:25 pm | Permalink

    Holy crap! Remind me to never suggest that method of doing yardwork… Sounds painful.