Thrown Out…Thrown In

I was cruising around in Velociman’s crib, and he mentioned he’d been thrown out of Disney World. It reminded me of this:

20 years ago.

My friend and I, he is known as the the Silk Glider (that’s a whole story in itself), received a call from another friend of ours who was living in Orlando. He had “almost” front row tickets to the Rolling Stone’s Steel Wheels concert in Tampa. We said yes, and he said the tickets would be at the counter. The night before we left, we were up until the birds were chirping. We arrive at the airport (about 7 am) in bad shape, picked up our 1st class tickets, boarded the airplane…and started drinking double Bloody Mary’s. We drank continuous, the whole way down. We landed and got off the plane…not in the best of shape…and were met by the Chrome Glider and his assistant. Now, the Chrome Glider had just purchased a Lotus Turbo Esprit

…the (at the time) fastest production 4 cylinder made. After some more drinks, he tossed the keys to us and said…”meet ya’ll at my house”. This is as close as I’ve ever come to driving a slot car. We had the police chasing us in no time, but they couldn’t catch us…even with a radio…multiple sirens in every direction. They were certainly trying, but we knew the neighborhoods…the back roads…and we were under the “can’t get caught” influence. We slid that Lotus into his garage and shut the door…told the Chrome Glider he should probably not drive it for a while, and there was no way they got the tag…but there weren’t many of that model cars around. Park it…hide it…better to be safe than sorry on this deal. The sirens could still be heard…they were looking for us…big-time. He said, thanks a lot. What are friends for?

Then we got down to the felony business.

That afternoon, we all piled into a small bus with a designated driver…Frank. More on him later. We drive to Tampa for the Stones concert, and after we took our seats I noticed there was nobody in the six seats surrounding us. I inquired to the Chrome Glider, and he said he bought extras in case we wanted to go back to the bus to take care of some more felony business. We used ‘em. Couldn’t get back in with a used ticket. My boy was thinking ahead.

Great concert…started before sunset…over before 8:00 pm. By this time, we were toast. I guess the Stones needed a good nights sleep…I hear they were staying on their jet.

We drive back to Orlando, from Tampa, and that’s where it got downtown. Wild is an understatement. The killer tattooed girls were there when we arrived. I’m talking wild ass felony killer girls. Use your imagination. We were up until the birds were chirping…

Around dawn, the Chrome Glider decided we all needed a screwdriver. His version of the Screwdriver was a tall glass of Vodka (over ice) with a vitamin C pill. The Silk Glider and I went with the flow.

Time for Disney World:

We had access to the back door…we go do all the rides, go to all the “countries”, and his assistant reschedules our flight numerous times. We were drinking wine in France, Tequila in Mexico, Beer in Germany,,,etc. We were thrown out of Disney World. We were about as fucked up as fucked up can be when we boarded the last flight out.

We got a little unruly on the flight home…the pilot radioed ahead that he had some wild-ass drunks on board, and it would be in the best interest of the airline…if the flight was met by the police. No shit…probably a good call on his part. We were on ten.

We land, and the police are waiting for us to disembark…but they were too far away. They couldn’t see the gate…they were waiting for us at the inbound metal detectors. Why, I do not not know. I put the Silk Glider in a wheel chair, just for the hell of it, and ran as fast as I could for the exit. We were laughing like you wouldn’t believe. My eye-hand coordination was a little off, and we crashed into the security barrier full force…collapsing it. Shit was flying everywhere. I’m serious…knocked it all down.

The next thing I remember was being placed under arrest and in handcuffs behind my back. The cop hit me pretty hard with his nightstick. I was pissed, the Silk Glider was pissed, but there was really nothing we could do about it. We were going downtown.

We get to the jail:

They booked us, made us put on orange jumpsuits, and threw us in a cell with a couple of Puerto Rican dirtbags. One of ‘em told me I had a nice ass, and he and his buddy were going fuck me. I sobered up in one second. He lunged at me and I did a spinning back-fist as hard as I could to his nose. It was shattered…blood everywhere…and he was down for the count. He was not a threat anymore. At the same time, the Silk Glider body-slammed his buddy into the bars…he was no longer a problem. Out cold. It did cause a little bit of attention, and the deputy’s really didn’t know what to do. They said they were going to separate us, and I said no way. They said, if you don’t come out (of the cell) we’re coming in to get you. I said, come on in. They did, and we lost. These were big guys. In the end, they said…damn you’re fast…they had it coming. I told them I was scared, and that they would probably do the same thing. They agreed.

All said and done…they (intentionally) lost our “paperwork” and we were in that jail for 72 hours. Our friends and family were worried. It was a nightmare, but word travels fast in the can, so when they put us in the “general population” tank…nobody fucked with us, but we did stay awake the whole time…had to…I felt like I was in a fucking zoo with wild animals. We watched each others backs.

When we finally got out…I had to go to the emergency room because I broke a knuckle when I nailed that guy…get a small cast and some pain killers…my hand hurt like hell.

Me and the Silk Glider, well, we’re still tight…always will be. This is just one of many Yabu stories.

I can’t make this shit up.