Really Scared

I was 19 years of age when I took a major road trip with my buddies, Anjin, Polo, the Silk Glider, DoIt, Slider, and the K-Mart shopper. Unfortunately, for whatever reason, I had the nickname of “Terror”…Don’t ask me why, I have no idea. Everyone had a “call sign”. Slider was murdered many years later by his sister in law. Cyanide. He was playing poker with his brother in law…she wanted the cash from a life insurance policy…so she killed ‘em both. She is currently rotting in jail. We did about 10,000 miles in about 9 weeks…2 vans following each other West, a Volkswagen and a Ford…we had radios, and a .45 in a metal box we welded to the frame of the hippie van. Had curtains too…and candles for the chicks that might cross our path. We had Ray-Bans, because we all have blue eyes. We were on an adventure sanctioned by our parents. Hell, Polo’s dad provided the .45 (a Colt Combat Commander) and helped with the welding. More detail on that trip later.

My point is: During this particular trip, I learned never to go anywhere…camping, fishing, hiking, exploring, without an equalizer.

This is what happened, in a nutshell.

We were in the Pacific Northwest…parked our vans, and went hiking. We were about a mile and a half, maybe two miles off the beaten path. Beautiful country. We came upon a natural dam…I believe Beavers had something to do with it…we jumped to the bottom, and there was a fucking momma Grizzly Bear, with two cubs about 30 yards away. Gun was still in the van…not that a .45 would’ve stopped her. She rose up on her hind legs a roared like you wouldn’t believe. Scared the shit out of all of us. I kid you not…scared us big-time. I’m as serious as I can be. She got back down on all fours and bolted in our direction. Everything was in slow motion at that point. All of us broke for cover, immediately. This was a huge ass bear who was protecting her cubs. Who says white men can’t jump…we cleared the top of the dam in about one second, and zigzagged through the woods like there was no tomorrow. We made it…we had no guns, left it on the frame, not that it would’ve mattered, but it would have been better than nothing.

It was a “life changing” experience for me…I thought that fucking bear was gonna catch me. She was pissed. Later, after we recounted our story to a park ranger, he confirmed she was probably a Grizzly, could have been a Brown, but they had a good population of the former. Who knows?, all I can say is that was an eye opening experience for me. I swear to the Maker, I was truly frightened. So, since that afternoon in the early 70’s, I always have some firepower available…even when Stretch and I are cruising the neighborhood. That huge ass bear made me think. She aborted the chase, for her babies…otherwise, I’d been dead and food for her her cubs. There is absolutely no way you can escape from a huge ass pissed off momma bear protecting her young. No way…unless you have a large caliber gun.

So, years ago, I acquired a 6 inch .357 Highway Patrolman, in perfect condition, from The Blade. A .44 handgun is too much banana for me. Cool to talk about, but not many people can hold it steady. Might drop it, might not, but it’s better than nothing. Revolver pack gun, my choice is .357. Hell, a shotgun with 3 in. 00 buck would be a good choice…close in. At least, that is what Stretch says…he feels all warm and fuzzy when he sees me with my slung shotgun, and we’re doing a night patrol.

If you see me on the trail…bet your ass I will have what is necessary to protect Stretch, the Juju Woman, and my friends.