I consider myself to be a halfway decent cook. Most people like what I make, and many ask for the same thing all the time, but they do love a surprise. I go from the Juju Dive Ass diner to the white starched table cloths, silver, fancy smancy china, and crystal glasses, silver goblets. I’ve got so much of that shit I don’t even know what it’s used for. I found out the other night I have an “olive spoon?. WTF is a olive spoon? I’ve got some shit nobody can name. I inherited all this shit from people with different tastes. I had an appraiser come out and take a look-see and just about fell over backwards when they told me what I could sell it for, and they said I needed a separate insurance policy for it.
Anyway, that’s not the point. The point is I can fuck up a meal. When I woke up yesterday morning, I busted out the cheap ass crock pot, slow cooker, whatever it’s called and threw a pot roast in. Added everything you usually add to a pot roast, and some special Juju stuff, set it on low, set the time, and was done with it.
I took it out when done, and it was terrible. I’m talking too bad to eat. We put it into the “Send it Back” category, which means if we’d ordered it in a paying establishment; it was going back to the kitchen. I’ve made a million pot roasts in my day, but I’ve never fucked up one like this. I mean really, how in the hell do you fuck up a pot roast in a slow cooker?
I thought about sending it to lab to see what happened.
15 Comments
Only two ways I could think of salvaging this would be to either drown it and marinade it in BBQ sauce, or break out the bread and mayo and make sandwiches out of it. That is, provided you didn’t burn it to a crisp.
Im’ with Laura on this, something bad in there. It smelled fine when I put it together, but later, that changed to something funky.
If it’s meat that truly has gone funky, rather than just a cooking mishap, then I retract my previous statement. Just had to throw out nearly a whole tube of sausage that I almost cooked with because the end of it looked a lot browner than I felt comfortable with. Nothing worse than a bad sausage attack…
Sometimes you just get a bad piece of meat.
You’re right.
I’m with Laura on that one. A few weeks ago I cooked a rump roast. It looked good, cooked good and made a good gravy. I wouldn’t call the meat terrible, but it sure wasn’t good.
It happens.
Reminds me of a story a buddy told me when his dad made some nasty-ass meatloaf. Apparently he poured in a can of sweetened condensed milk when he meant to use a can of evaporated milk.
He said it was so bad, even the dog wouldn’t touch it, and we’re talking about a hound that ate roadkill and feces…
This was really really bad. I spit out the first bite…knew something was wrong.
Speaking of which, did you ask for Stretch’s opinion?
Are you kidding me? I’m Stretch’s food taster. Seriously, he wouldn’t of eaten it.
Real silver looks better, when used. We eat with silver and Lennox china at every meal. My cats even eat out of china bowls. You don’t need it, if you don’t use it, I almost forgot about my Waterford crystal, we use it everyday also.
Actually, I like using the good stuff.
Once I was making up some fried cube steaks and accidentally used powdered sugar instead of flour to coat the meat. It fried up to a beautiful golden brown. Tasted horrible.
I think so much beef/pork/chicken is being dumped on the market that the quality is way down.
A bad piece of meat will fuck you up.