I consider myself to be a halfway decent cook. Most people like what I make, and many ask for the same thing all the time, but they do love a surprise. I go from the Juju Dive Ass diner to the white starched table cloths, silver, fancy smancy china, and crystal glasses, silver goblets. I’ve got so much of that shit I don’t even know what it’s used for. I found out the other night I have an “olive spoon?. WTF is a olive spoon? I’ve got some shit nobody can name. I inherited all this shit from people with different tastes. I had an appraiser come out and take a look-see and just about fell over backwards when they told me what I could sell it for, and they said I needed a separate insurance policy for it.
Anyway, that’s not the point. The point is I can fuck up a meal. When I woke up yesterday morning, I busted out the cheap ass crock pot, slow cooker, whatever it’s called and threw a pot roast in. Added everything you usually add to a pot roast, and some special Juju stuff, set it on low, set the time, and was done with it.
I took it out when done, and it was terrible. I’m talking too bad to eat. We put it into the “Send it Back” category, which means if we’d ordered it in a paying establishment; it was going back to the kitchen. I’ve made a million pot roasts in my day, but I’ve never fucked up one like this. I mean really, how in the hell do you fuck up a pot roast in a slow cooker?
I thought about sending it to lab to see what happened.