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August 28, 2008
A Wedding Story
Boudicca and Oddybobo have a wedding story up...here's ONE of mine.
Let me set the stage:
One of my best friends was getting married to a beautiful girl whose father has some major folding money. It was truly a La De Da...in the middle of August...In the middle of Tennessee...and it was about 100 degrees with 100% humidity...as I often say to describe heat and humidity, Holiday in Cambodia.
Ten bridesmaids and ten groomsmen.
Never, ever, do the boys night out the night of the rehearsal dinner.
The rehearsal dinner went off without a hitch...great food and drink...I even had intimate relations with one of her bridesmaids in an unoccupied room at the country club. It could have been worse. She was a killer.
Afterwords, me and the boys head out to an undisclosed location. Actually, it involved no naked women, but it was a bar owned by one of us groomsmen.
We drank and told stories...we laughed and drank some more...told some more stories...by dawns early light, we were toasted. I'm not talking drunk...we were way past that...we were way past bulletproof...we were invisible.
After a 130 mph ride home in a 911, I arrive home around 7:00am. All of us needed to be at another country club at 10:30am for another la de da function. The wedding was at 4:00pm.
This is where it gets interesting:
I tapped on my couch for a couple of hours and then the phone began to ring and ring and ring. The groom was missing. I answer it, still really really drunk, and committed to become part of a posse. We knew where he was, so we didn't think it was a big deal. About six of us met up at my crib and drove over to another groomsman's house. We knew he was inside, but nobody would answer the door. Bad Bad Juju.
We took a wrought iron lawn chair and threw it through the front window (seemed like a good idea at the time)...climbed in...and what did we find?
The Groom was in bad shape. I can't recall ever seeing anyone in that condition. He was worse than sick...we thought he might be ready to give up the ghost. I'm talking "calling off the wedding sick". We got him dressed, carried him to a car, and made it to the function about two hours late. He was in really bad shape. The bride's father was as pissed as I have ever seen anyone.
More stage setting:
At that time in my life, I was studying some Moo Duk Kwon / White Crane.
We arrive at the breakfast.
Anyway, the bride's father came up to me, stuck his finger in my chest, and threatened to kick my ass. I told him in no uncertain terms that if he didn't get away, I was going to break his fucking arm. Exactly what I said in front of a crowd. The crowd (guests) were in shock. Well he pushed again...and I used my right arm to deflect his right arm from my chest...put my left leg behind his right leg, gave him a little shove, and sent his ass to the floor. It was great...I, to this day, have people telling me how cool that was...They say, Damn, her father was more than a foot taller than you.
As you can imagine...this was a real mess...I really thought I was going to have to fight someone who outweighed me by more than a hundred pounds, but I was ready...and still bulletproof...and still drunk...fuck him...I was going all the way. My buddies had to intervene...because I was going to finish him off when he tried to get up. He stayed down...thank the Maker. Speed is a good thing.
As soon as this happened, a good friend of the bride's father...who holds an MD in Internal Medicine, decided to load all of us in a van and take us to the emergency room for some vitamin shots, some bouillon, and a realistic talking to.
That B-12 shot in the ass did help...I kid you not. The lecture did not, though.
This is the first and only time I've ever been to an emergency room to pull off a wedding.
More stage setting.
My friends and I are one for all and all for one.
So we decided...we would not wear the cheesy black patent leather shoes...we would wear our Cowboy boots. We did....we also all wore our matching Ray Ban's as well. This REALLY pissed off her father...I loved it.
I've got the pictures to prove it.
Her father wanted to slow dance one more time...I told him I would like that very much...(my boys were standing by me)...he backed down. Good thing, because I was going to embarrass his arrogant ass again...in front of all his friends...and he knew it.
I haven't seen him since.
Posted by Yabu at August 28, 2008 09:07 AM | The Past
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Tracked on October 12, 2008 08:59 PM
Holy crap! That's hysterical!
Posted by: Bou at August 28, 2008 12:59 PM
Isn't everyone about a foot taller than you?? *S*
Posted by: Michele at August 28, 2008 02:46 PM
Shit . . . just read Michele's comment and totally forgot mine! Great wedding - "went to a wedding and ended up in the ER" too cool.
Posted by: oddybobo at August 28, 2008 10:07 PM
Nice!!!!
Posted by: Braden at August 30, 2008 10:15 AM
