I’d never seen anything like this before, so I said to my buddy “we’ve got some chicken guts left – let’s try to catch one of ‘em”. So I took some of the “crab trap rope”, doubled it, doubled it again, and again, and secured the chicken guts to one end and a stick to the other. I tossed it at the lead gator, and it landed right on his damn head. Well I’m telling you, he rolled violently and attacked that meat with such force it made me jump. He swallowed it in one gulp, and I had him – the game was on. I didn’t know it at the time, but an alligator cannot regurgitate. So, I did indeed have him. This thing was so powerful; it damn near jerked me off the bridge. I fed out all the remaining line and headed for shore.

I needed help, because this alligator was making the water boil and dragging my ass all over the place. I said to my buddy, “Hang on to me and pay attention to the other ones”. It took us about 30 minutes to drag it up on the bank, and it was pissed. It just lay there, snorting. About 15 minutes later, I decided to get a closer look. Almost the biggest mistake of my life.

I approached to within about 15 feet, and that damn thing rose up and charged right at me. They are a lot taller than you think. To this day, I don’t know how I escaped, but I do know the meaning of “assholes and elbows”. It was early in the morning, and fresh dew was on everything. I slipped. They say an alligator is as fast as a racehorse for the first 20 yards. They are correct. This one came pretty damn close to grabbing me. Gives me the willies to think about it. This was a close one. Unfortunately, my father witnessed the whole thing. He told me that “might just be the stupidest thing I’ve ever seen anyone do” I replied, “you should have seen from my view”. Then I had to take a little run, as in breaking for cover. He didn’t think that was funny.

Oh, I failed to mention that this all took place on a golf course. When the gator stopped chasing me, he lay in the middle of a par three green for hours.

Pissed off a bunch of golfers.

That is all.

Anyway, we took some girlie girls for a ride on occasion…they did not come back for more, none of ‘em. They said that (and we were) was fucking crazy, and couldn’t possibly believe anyone would want to do that. One of ‘em once, needed some stitches, and we were going to sew her up…and she flipped all the way out. I mean she really lost her shit…couldn’t stand the sight of her blood. Went absolutely ballistic on us. Hell, one of the crew was a MD, doing his internship at a local  hospital in the emergency room…he knew how to clean and sew. Never saw her again. I think she was a tad bit traumatized, but she did go get some stitches at a hospital. It was just her hand.

I wouldn’t know, but I’ve been told that riding a sailboat in a good blow in like riding a wild ass bronco. I’ve never ridden a bull, but I’ve ridden some sailboats that made me want to talk to The Maker.

This picture doesn’t do her justice, but it’s the only one I can find right now.

Too much fun…I still loves me some VOODOO.

Just plain damn strange is all I can say.

1. What has had the greatest impact on you life, Broadband Internet, or the Cell Phone?

2. If the Internet, or Cell Phone communications went down for a week, a month, or a year, or longer…what do you think would happen? Think big and small.

If you ever have the opportunity to take one for a ride, go for it…I highly recommend it.

Anyway, here’s my buddy Sire, the Head Rib Cooker. He doesn’t light the grill until he’s had about eight beers or so, and that ain’t no joke. This guy is serious about his ribs. He doesn’t know his age, or where he was born, but he can damn sure cook. He also doesn’t know his “given” name. Interesting guy. He’s not “book smart”, but he’s wise in other ways. He was dropped off on a island when he was a baby. No formal education whatsoever, but a very smart guy. We became friends. He’s hard to understand, because his “language” is a combination of English, French, Dutch, and Spanish. When I can’t understand him, I go to sign. He has basically invented his own way of communicating. Hell, it works.

But, the point of this post is about Pooter. Pooter is a short-haired mutt dog that belongs to a friend of mine. He weighs about forty pounds. Great doggie. My friend, who has some folding money, decided he wanted to ride a Jet Ski from the Statue of Liberty to Miami. Looking for a Guinness World Record, for the hell of it. He bought a cigarette boat, modified the transom so he could drive up on it to refuel. He made it…he was on that fucking ski from dawn to dusk, everyday. He also had a big-ass tour bus monitoring his position as he went south. It stayed on the coast roads, and they had some catdaddy communication equipment. Interesting trip.

Back to my story.

After he got his record, he had the boat moved to a large lake in Tennessee. We did some joy riding…this boat was fast…I’m talking smuggling fast. I’m talking Miami Vice fast. I’ve driven it many times, and it is by far the fastest boat I’ve ever been on. Pretty stable at speed as well.

First, I need to say, we love and protect our animals. We will kill for them, but sometimes shit happens. We’d been doing a little cove hopping one day, the weather turned bad, and we broke for the dock. We floored it, and I’m telling you, when you put the gas to this puppy, it would scream the scream you like. Pooter always liked to ride on the back…on the cushion that covered the cockpit stern. No big deal, we’d done this a million times. He was the boat dog.

We slow down as we approach the dock, it was raining and blowing like hell, and discover Pooter and the cushion are missing. Damn, you can give me all the shit you want, but we immediately did a 180, and floored it. We fucked up, we knew it, and it will never happen again. So, we’re doing about 80 or 90 mph down the lake (full tilt, as fast as we could go) when I spot something in the dead center middle. We thought it might be a log, but no, it was a dog.

Pooter and his cushion obviously blew off the boat. Pooter found the cushion and somehow managed to get on it, balance himself, and wait for us to come get him. He knew we’d be coming back. He knew we would, and he was right. Lesson learned…don’t give me any shit. Pooter now has a harness that will keep him aboard. No way he can blow off. He’s a great dog…he had to have hit the water at a HIGH rate of speed. Shit, we were doing 80+…in 40 knot winds. FUCKING CRAZY. We were just about airborne.

I feel bad about this, but it turned out okay, and for that I’m grateful. One of those things that most people wouldn’t want to admit. I’m all about the truth.

Good thing he had a gun that was loaded, and knew how to use it. Shit happens fast in situations like this. An unloaded gun is nothing more than an expensive rock.

I’m just sayin’